Before I Sleep
by Swift-Star9
Summary: These woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep." AllenxLenalee, post-Alma arc.


Everything was gray. The skies, the clouds, the Earth.

Everything was screaming. The thunder, the stormy winds, the rain.

Everyone was gone. Except for him.

A solitary figure walking upon a crystalline Earth.

Glass-like, it looked like if he ever touched it, the entire Earth would shatter. Diamond-like, it barely flinched under his weight. Mirror-like, it reflected the gray skies, raging tides, and the ever-present shadow. No longer his own reflection, only a shadow.

So cold. His wounds ached, the cold water seeping into them. But he truly shivered at the knowledge that nothing would be warm again. Everything had been destroyed. Nothing could be reversed.

He was the last one left.

Everyone was gone. Gone. He had failed. Failed to protect that which he loved, failed to defeat the Earl before they had run out of time, failed to save them all.

The Earl lay outstretched in front of him, in human form. The corpse was remarkably clean though the blood was still leeching from the many wounds, the tears streaking the face becoming drowned by the rain. Oh, he had made sure the Earl paid the price. But too late.

Far too late.

_There is nothing left. _He looked into the sky, a solid gray undefined shape.

_Then surrender. You have nothing left to protect, nothing to save._ The 14th's voice, silken sweet, called. _You have lost._

The demon in his mind surged, and he fell. He had nothing left to live for. He felt the usurper Noah taking control as he swirled into darkness. He saw only blackness and heard the sound of the wind screaming, and then… white?

He suddenly felt a release, like a weight that had been perpetually carrying had been removed. Then he saw himself, no longer himself. He was no longer substantial, and found himself staring at the body he abandoned.

_Am I… dead?_

His body turned to look towards where he stood, as if he still was there. His body turned into the fallen Noah's, all that remained was the white hair that had been his.

The 14th turned his gaze to the Earl's dead body and kicked it over. The Earl's body lifelessly rolled. The 14th laughed.

"I won, Duke. You lost. 'I will always be by your side'? Ha! You believed me, all that time?! Now look at you, dead!"

The 14th laughed insanely again, but tears began to stream from his eyes and he stopped abruptly. "You thought I'd die, that you could be rid of me forever," he spoke again with bitterness and agony. "You should've know that wouldn't happen. Because you taught me everything I know. You taught me to be ruthless. Not to care."

He let a silence sustain and his eyes narrowed. "My birthright, Duke. My akuma now."

Terror filled Allen.

The terror when you realize you have forgotten something that should never have been forgotten. The disjointed voices howled in his head:

_"I vowed to save the akuma!"_

_"The Earl is the maker of akuma. My eyes, my ears. That time – did you not call to me through my akuma?"_

_"I will kill you, and become the Millennium Earl!"_

"Stop!" he screamed. He charged, but passed straight through the Noah. "Don't you see me? Don't you hear me?!"

The 14th just chanted in an unknown language.

_"You lose."_

_This… Can't be real!_

The 14th suddenly turned and grinned.

_It will be._ The voice was inside his head. _On that day, when you have lost everything, you won't care. And on that day, I will be there._

He jumped at the 14th again, but the dream shattered and flew away and he found himself in bed. He breathed heavily, grasping the covers. He briefly felt confused - weren't his sheets thicker and colored differently? Why was he - Oh.

The memories returned just as quickly as the dream dissipated from his mind's eye. He was in a special room in the Order, one he had been residing in since the North American Branch battle. Since the Second Exorcist incident. Since Kanda... He shook his head, trying to forget the thought.

He had been ruled a liability after the battle. When the 14th revealed himself in front of not just the Noah, but to the Order staff and Central officials, the Order permanently blacklisted him. It came out that he had lost control over the 14th twice. After what they witnessed, they obviously felt the 14th had to be contained.

He could hardly blame them. He had heard the 14th's words just as well as anyone. In fact, he had felt the bitterness, rage, and determination coiled within the traitorous Noah.

He would never admit it, but part of him was scared. There was a hole in his mind. He hadn't even known the 14th had awakened the first time. All he could remember was calling Crown Clown to stab the akuma and save it's soul - that is, after a certain BaKanda had railed at him like the asshat everyone knew he was.

He couldn't let himself go... But he had lost so much...

The Crow inside his room didn't even flinch at his outburst. They just stood there, maintaining the same barrier. The Order decided on full-time surveillance for all suspects under watch ever since the Cross incident. Leverrier didn't want to take any chances this time, especially with their "prize", their "pet".

He was the host of a Noah with knowledge of the Earl. A Noah that had psychotically screamed a desire to become the Earl. A security risk, but also a source of valuable information.

_They can be easily destroyed, you know._

Brief shock was punctuated by the loud voice - a voice that could not have been possibly said aloud. He had never heard the voice before, but the tone, the familiarity - he gripped his head. He had never before heard the 14th talk in his head while he was awake. It echoed, louder than anything he had heard. Each time it echoed, it hurt. He could hear the Crow start to whisper, and one exited the door. But he couldn't hear their words, only the reverberating voice of the 14th. He closed his eyes as he tried to compose himself from the horrors in his mind's eye.

_Leave me alone. I don't need you,_ he thought back. _I am Allen Walker. I am an exorcist. And I will keep to my word-_

"Walker." The voice interrupted his internal thoughts. He looked to see Leverrier entering, a Crow on each side of him. He realized how he was still sitting in bed without a shirt. Leverrier took a seat on the only chair in the room.

"Are we to understand that you can hear the 14th now?"

"What?!" How did he know?!

_The facts, nephew._ Allen grabbed his head again, the voice rippling through his mind again. _You react so obviously to my voice, it is clear that you are losing_.

"I see we were correct. How long before he takes over?"

The 14th surged in his mind again. Allen could feel him rising, and blocked him. He felt a wave of nausea and exhaustion pass through him, as he nearly fainted. His head tilted down so no one could see his face.

"Answer us, 14th." Allen could hear that, and trembled as the bitter resentment fomented within him. _All you want is him. For the war. You would use me, just like you used Lenalee and Kanda._

_But I failed..._

The emotions warred inside of him as the 14th began to reach out again. A painful headache began to split his skull.

"ANSWER!"

The blood trickled onto the bed.

"I won't let any of you..." he sounded through clenched teeth. "Control me. Not the Earl, not the 14th, and not you."

The room was silent as the blood dripped faster onto the bed. "Turn your head upwards, Walker."

A panic started to seize him and he froze. "Do as I say, Walker". A Crow walked forward and pulled up his head. Gasps filled the room, confirming Allen's fears. The blood... was probably from scars on his forehead. Making him look just like the Noah.

"Are you Walker or the 14th?"

The 14th lunged again in his subconscious mind. His mind was a whirl of emotions, all he could see was his failures, leaving him with no choice: Either warn the man or not. "Stop it," he panted. "Please. Not much... longer..."

The 14th took over, his sight dimmed, and all he could do was watch.

His hair changed, to become more curled, along with his eyes, which became a brilliant amber. The 14th charged towards Leverrier. The Crow began to release binding spells. He slammed into the ground.

"You... Order bastards..." The 14th hissed.

"It seems like you've taken over," Leverrier mused as he looked down on the fallen Noah. "Noah, you will cooperate with us and tell us what we want to know." The 14th just smirked, burning with more annoyance and hilarity then actual anger.

"And just tell me why in the seven hells would I do that?"

"Your life."

"Heh, I'd rather die than help you. And... you fucking underestimate me!" The binding spells ripped into oblivion as the 14th leaped and wrapped his hands around the Inspectors neck. "Now, die!"

The spells approached again. The 14th raised an arm to deflect them, but they didn't bind - they burned. He screamed as he was pulled towards the ground, the smell of skin burning pungent in the air. He finally released his hold on the Inspector and rolled onto the floor.

The Inspector pulled himself away from the Noah, as the Crow surrounded him again.

"There is nothing that would please me more than seeing you die on the cross, heretic," huffed Leverrier. "But you are our sole advantage now."

"Fools..." the 14th spoke in a raspy tone, his skin slowly but surely healing from the damage of the spells. "You know... so little..."

The 14th fell in his unconscious mind, and Allen raced to wrestle control back before he could lose it again. As soon as he was in control, he could tell the burns were mostly healed.

"What do you know, 14th?"

"He's... gone for now..." Allen whispered slowly. "Gone..." Sleep took him into it's warm embrace, and he fainted.

Leverrier dusted his uniform and checked his neck, still in pain from the choke hold. The Noah now slept peacefully in front of him, and he spat on it. He hated it, associating with part of the filth that he was determined to eradicate. Yet this was the only way to do it.

"Sedate the Noah. I want him ready for transport to Central." The Order HQ would be resistant to the methods he would use on the Noah. Damn their fondness of their beloved exorcist.

* * *

**A/N:** Where the fuck did this idea come from? I have no idea. Perhaps it's just my anger that I'm taking out on characters again. It initially was an attempt at hurt/comfort with Allen's nightmare, but twisted into this as I truly considered the odds that he would be free of watchers at this point in the series. It also is an experiment with assuming the 14th was not the sharpest tool in the shed.

The solid ground in his dream - I was thinking about the first atomic detonation at Trinity. The sand at the test site had melted into a glass-like substance. It was when Oppenheimer was reminded of a Hindu scripture: "I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds."

Flames are encouraged.


End file.
